


Soulmate

by purecamp



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: M/M, its sad lol, whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2019-01-20 10:05:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12430518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purecamp/pseuds/purecamp
Summary: justin believes that in life, you have more than one soulmate, but each of your soulmates stay with you forever. so it still hurts when your first soulmate dies too young.





	Soulmate

**Author's Note:**

> A/N - it’s just. angst. a bit of niceness. and then just angst. its my favourite thing to do.
> 
> ^^ this is the artificialqueens a/n that i wrote at the time. this was written and posted nov 20th 2016

You never really lose feelings for a soulmate. Soulmates can be romantic or platonic; they can fluctuate between the two, and ultimately no matter what happens between you, you’ll always be soulmates. Even if you’re no longer massively in love with your soulmate, they’ll never escape your life. Sometimes they end well, sometimes they don’t. Frankly the world is cruel and doesn’t care at all. There’s more than one soulmate in your life, too. Several romantic soulmates and several platonic soulmates and several who may turn out to be both. You might meet all of them in your lifetime or you might meet none of them. But they exist. And there’s always one soulmate that’s above the others. One soulmate that dominates your dreams and stays in your mind even when they shouldn’t. One soulmate who never lets go, who leaves their mark on you forever.

Justin first meets his soulmate in a bar, back in his hometown. He recognises him from MySpace, as the guy who always liked and commented on his pictures. He had started doing it back, but it was still surreal to see the face in all the pictures moving, being alive and connected to a real human body.

Aaron is nice. His speech is slurred from drunkenness and he smells like alcohol and cigarette smoke and makeup, and Justin finds himself sucked into a vortex that is Aaron Coady. A world of drag shows like no drag show he’s ever seen, drag queens like no drag queens he’s ever met, and love like no love he’s ever experienced. Something about their crappy flat, mangy cat and messy life together feels right. Their lack of money but resourcefulness and resilience; something about it feels like the stars and planets aligned in a certain way to make it happen. It feels good. It feels great.

Aaron gets the chance to live their shared dream. He gets the opportunity to go on TV, showcase what his whole career was dedicated to, and become famous. Justin didn’t get that opportunity. But his soulmate did. He pushes aside all of the jealousy and bitterness and channels it into becoming Aaron’s number one fan, because he already owns that role. He cries when episode one airs, and all of the bad feelings melt away. He’s impersonating Aaron in their hometown bar and people are cheering, and the world gets to love Aaron as much as Justin loves Aaron. Just not in the same way.

Fame becomes a staple part of their relationship. Photos of them together are shared around the internet, videos of acts that his poor mother would faint at if she saw, people saying that they were a relationship ideal. Bright lights and camera flashes and putting on makeup on the way to an event becomes the norm. Aaron is blinded by stardom. He loves it. He hates it. He basks in it. He needs it. Without even realising it, he casts a dark shadow over Justin, because he’s so big and bold and the spotlights are trained on him. But Justin is okay with that. Aaron is his soulmate and if his success means he gets pushed to the side for a little way, then that’s fine.

Then Justin gets the call, a year later. His turn has come, the spotlight is ready for him. He arrives in the workroom ready to impress and bewilder and is instead met by judgemental queens and expectations higher than his tall heels can lift him too. Four challenges, the most that has ever been won, looms over his head. It’s not just any record they want him to beat, it’s Aaron’s record. No matter what he does, the continuously different looks that he churns out on the runway and the risks he takes to pull through day after day, he still hears Aaron’s name in the background. Comparison. Contrast. They’re all convinced that Justin is another Aaron. Justin loves Aaron – they’re soulmates. But he spends too much time trying not to be Aaron that he forgets to be Justin, and Jerick takes the crown instead.

He smiles so much that his cheeks hurt. People with cameras and microphones bombard Justin and Aaron with questions, snapping pictures and trying to get close. Aaron smizes his way through instantly, seducing them all with his natural grace and good humour. His hand never leaves the small of Justin’s back. Justin grins and waves and charms interviewers with his silly, campy wit. They both look happy. They both seem happy. The spotlights make them forget what happens when the lights get fewer and the alcohol and stress and separation gets more and more. Spitting insults and screaming arguments. Tired apologies and forced goodbyes. But when the spotlights and the mics turn towards them, it all disappears. They’re happy. Soulmates. That’s what they are.

It happens sooner rather than later. Too many drugs. Too much alcohol. Too much stress. Too much bitterness. Too much loneliness. Not enough love. Not enough time together. Not enough honesty. Not enough home. Not enough life. In a final, stomach-churning argument, caused, fuelled and ended by alcohol, they break up. The relationship ends. There are songs written about him, and even through the pain he doesn’t mind. They’re soulmates. They both feel the same.

Soulmate number one fades into the background and Justin moves on with his life. Eventually he’s a platonic soulmate, and he’s glad for that. You can’t forget a soulmate. They never escape your life. They’re always with you. Aaron is married now, and Chad is lovely, and the three of them get along like peas in a pod. Aaron is happy. Justin is happy. Separate happiness. It’s better for both of them. Not all soulmates are good soulmates. They work well as best friends. Nobody can make Justin laugh as hard as Aaron, and vice versa. Once again, the stars and planets align in a certain way and Justin is thankful.

Time passes slowly, and then quickly, and then slowly again. He grows older; a mature adult now. He meets guys, dates them, breaks up. He works day in and day out, performing onstage and doing what he loves. Life feels more secure. A rickety past stays behind him, and a world which had once been woven out of fine cotton now feels reinforced with steel. Everything is right, and held in place. Nothing is going to change now. It’s all fixed where it should be, rooted into the earth the same way an ancient oak tree is. It would be impossible to disturb this final state of utopia that they have entered.

Justin has just finished a show when he gets a call from an old friend. Not a soulmate, but the soulmate of a soulmate. Chad sounds worried and Justin feels terrified at his tone. He learns that whilst he grew older, more mature, more adult, his best friend and soulmate Aaron never did. He stayed the same way he had always been, punk and rebellious and non-conforming. It seemed his old ways were as deeply rooted within him as the oak tree into the ground. He was set in his ways and wouldn’t change. At an age that should never be associated with such a horrifying event, Aaron had died. Justin and Chad both took it hard, feeling like they were living in a world of nuclear fallout. Both of them had been soulmates of him. The world was going to be a different place without him. The stars and the planets aligned in a certain way, and Justin cursed at the sky and sobbed until his tears ran dry and his rainforest became a desert.

Frankly the world is cruel and doesn’t care at all, but soulmates never leave. Life goes on. Justin’s life goes on. He performs until he’s too old to get up on that stage, and then some. His friends age at the same rate he does, reminding him that the world isn’t entirely unfair, and a nice man that he met some years ago sticks by his side right up to the wrinkles and the back pain and the hospital trips. They’re old. He’s old. And Aaron never got to be that old. They were soulmates. But frankly the world is cruel and doesn’t care at all. Justin cares. He won’t let the harshness of the world take him into its clammy grasp.

He’s lived a long life. Long and full of soulmates, platonic and romantic and both. It’s been happy, for the most part. Happy with sprinkles of sadness and anger and jealousy and mourning, and all in all he feels it’s been a good life. He knows his life is fading beneath him. He’s so frail that he can’t leave his bed, but even so the twinkle never leaves his eye and his soulmates never leave his mind. His husband smiles at him one last time before Justin feels his eyes closing. The end comes swiftly and painlessly. Unlike his soulmates.


End file.
